| Author | Message | ||
| native dancer
Advanced Member Username: nativedancer Post Number: 323 Registered: 12-2004 |
More and more when I'm not resembling my mother it's my father who takes the lead gimpy legs and potbelly glowing candle-white in the dark but some things I will never achieve like the clean slice of water when he dived off the Riverbend pier at sixty-two totally blind from cataracts and mama sucked in her breath like a startled child reaching out involuntarily to squeeze my hand (note: this is a new attempt at an old poem. Some veins i keep working long after I've told myself they're mined out. I posted the new version under a working title, but i've decided now to use the original.) (Message edited by nativedancer on January 29, 2006) (Message edited by nativedancer on January 29, 2006) (Message edited by nativedancer on February 01, 2006) | ||
| Zephyr
Senior Member Username: zephyr Post Number: 3769 Registered: 07-2003 |
I would like to see resemble and glow, but other than that a good read Native, and I prefer your new title.  | ||
| native dancer
Advanced Member Username: nativedancer Post Number: 326 Registered: 12-2004 |
yeah, i'm a fool for them ings. thanks, zeph. | ||
| michael julius sottak
Advanced Member Username: julius Post Number: 2041 Registered: 12-2003 |
first time i've read this, jim... it has a particular suspense in the unspoken... the lead lines dig up universal recognition | ||
| native dancer
Advanced Member Username: nativedancer Post Number: 327 Registered: 12-2004 |
thanks, julius. this particular reincarnation has not appeared before. glad you like it. jim | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 6513 Registered: 11-1998 |
Voila! Title change. All's ya' gots to do is ask, babydoll. After all, I have no life and I can sit here and change titles all day long.  As to the poem, the first lines stopped me short: "More and more when I'm not resembling my mother it's my father who takes the lead" I was just thinking this about myself the other day, which might be a little worse in my case as I am female (growing old and resembling my father was not exactly in my plans). The story in the end, about the slice in the water? Pure j, pure perfection. Your old man and mine have a lot in common. A man who dives in the water at 62 totally blind from cataracts is my kind of fellow. Wait long enough, j, and I'm sure you will inherit this too. From what I know about you, the son will surpass the father. I have no doubts. | ||
| native dancer
Advanced Member Username: nativedancer Post Number: 330 Registered: 12-2004 |
oh M, i'm so glad you stopped by. i was going to ask you to make the title change, but didn't know what time you got up on sunday lol. your comments, as usual, reach straight to the heart of the piece. and if i can stay up a little bit longer (it's already 7 pm here and close to my bedtime) i'm going to read them all over again. j | ||
| Lazarus
Intermediate Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 990 Registered: 10-2005 |
I love the honesty in this when you say your resembled your mother most. And the earth, bristling and raw, tiny and lost resumes its search; rushing through the vast astonishment- Ted Hughes, from His Legs Ran About. | ||
| native dancer
Advanced Member Username: nativedancer Post Number: 337 Registered: 12-2004 |
laz, thanks. one hopes for honesty. that most of all. it's difficult, though, memory being such a shifting kaleidoscope. | ||
| Laurie Byro
Advanced Member Username: lauriette Post Number: 1486 Registered: 11-2003 |
sustained emotion, very nice jim congrats on a fine HM laurie | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 3903 Registered: 07-2002 |
Jim--the title pulled me in and I was glad I read this. I have been sifting through memories of my grandmother these past few days and when I am ready to write about her, I will share them here. I hope I can do justice to them, as you do with your parents here. best, ljc Once in a Blue Muse Blog | ||
| native dancer
Advanced Member Username: nativedancer Post Number: 338 Registered: 12-2004 |
laurie, if this one comes even close to your paterson piece, i'll be content. thanks, lisa. it's taken me years and years to come to grips with a lot of the family stuff, and even now, i'm not altogether certain when i try to navigate these dark waters. gratefully, jim |
